In what can only be classed as a great story, the news profiled an 85-year old woman who beat a moose. She didn’t do it because she’s some kind of geriatric animal abuser, but because the moose – a thousand pound animal with giant horns and a bad temper – was stomping her husband to death.
I think it’s funny because this woman is only 5’ tall and weighs less than 100 lbs. Oh, and because she’s 85-yrs old. Oh, and it has a (mostly) happy ending.
It’s also a good example of how people should rightfully fear the elderly and I hope it serves as a lesson to young people that grandmothers are not to be trifled with!
Here’s what happened:
A woman and her husband (surprisingly he isn’t a young hot buck with bulging muscles) are out at the Alaskan airfield exercising their two big golden retrievers. George, the 80-year old husband, is playing with the pups while Dorothea (the wife) is hanging out in the truck – possibly planning her next big rescue.
Along comes a moose. Now, I don’t know how old or how big this moose was, but bear in mind that the average moose (also known as a Eurasian Elk) is the largest species of the deer family. They weigh an average of 1,000 lbs and get as big as 1,500 lbs and stand nearly 7 feet tall at the SHOULDERS. That’s a BIG deer. They don’t have fangs, but with antlers as wide as 6 ft across, who needs big teeth?
So, this moose comes along and he’s pissed. He’s mad at the dogs, mad at people for being on his airfield, probably mad that it’s freezing cold out. But, he’s especially mad at George.
George sees the wild beast coming at him and does what any sane person would do, he dives into the deep snow. This just makes the moose more mad and it proceeds to try and stomp George to death.
Of course the dogs are barking like crazy, and because retrievers are better at retrieving than defense, they don’t know what to do as their dad is getting stomped. But, Dorothea does. At first she thinks her dogs are under attack by the moose, so she jumps out of the car and gets the moose’s attention – which she was remarkably great at doing. The moose turns and comes after her so she retreats to the truck, grabs a giant grain shovel from the back and turns to attack the moose.
She struck the animal in the head, then as it realized what it was up against and turned to run, she chased it down, beating it on the rump.
“When it turned and started to go off slowly, I hit it with everything I had,” she said.
Once the animal was in retreat, the goldens of course swung into action at that point, chasing the animal away. Which is actually a little surprising that they didn’t try to retrieve it.
We’re not sure what happened to the moose, but we are hoping for a happy ending. And luckily, neither George nor Dorothea hold any grudges. “They’re just at the end of their rope,” George said. “They’ll just strike out at anything.”
Other than seven broken ribs and a few major gashes, we’re proud to report that George is doing just fine. As for Dorothea? She remains in good shape, no injuries, and can now say that she has fought a moose and won.
Pretty impressive – even to one who has only ever been chased by an elk. (I’ll tell you that story a little later…)
